I feel old.

I am beginning to feel old. Is this what other people feel like when they lose their connections, when they don't have the chance to love the people they love? It feels wrong.
I don't quite know why I feel this way. Have you ever taken a test and thought "Wow, I aced that motherfucker!" and then you find out you just barely passed? That's how it feels right now; like I thought I had learned a lesson and now I've failed the test.
'Cause the deal was, I was a real asshole to this girl way back in freshman year, and ever since then I've had this block in my mind that said I couldn't be intimate with a girl unless I was willing to be totally committed. Probably just because the first time felt shitty: like I was ashamed of the way I had behaved afterwards...but I'm beginning to think that maybe it wasn't the situation but the way I handled it.
So now I maybe just shattered a bridge between not only myself and a girl, but myself and two girls, and it's taking all my willpower to keep it together. I don't know how long I can hold it up. If either of you reads this, and wants to, let go or lend a hand. It's beginning to hurt too much.
I need some sort of shift of focus. Everything seems to be coming back to my relationships. It's tragically whiny and really pansy-esque. I feel like I should be writing croaky, crying acoustic rock songs and singing in dark, depressed coffee houses about my life. But I don't know how to play the guitar...

"wo you left me
wo or did I
leave you first?
but you don't care
'cause I had awesome fashion sense
and I could play cords on the gui-TAR!

and now we're both really sad
but i'm more sad than you
'cause i have a better voice for being sad
'cause i got kicked in the junk a buncha times as a and i smoke cigarettes to look moo-DY!

you bitch
you hate me
the whole world hates me
that's why i'm stuck playing local GIGS!

*crashing acoustic power cords*
*more desperate acoustic power cords*
*more chords, this time with gasps and sobs in the background*"

But hopefully that will change on Saturday or Sunday. I have really wanted to learn, but haven't really needed it until now. Maybe an artistic outlet would provide some needed release.

Or maybe I should just get myself layed (laid? One of them's flowers...or, no. One of them's Hawaiian flowers in a necklace, specifically...)

Probably laid. But I do like flowers.

Anyway, that'd be good.

Focus.

Forensics might provide focus.
Swimming might.
DI definitely would.

But what's the point of just looking the other way?

"Oh, that semi's going to hit me, I'll close my eyes. Maybe if I don't see it, it won't exist!"

We had this absolutely awesome group of performers come in and teach us some basic hip-hop stuff for Beginning Theatre. I'll be damned if it didn't re-ignite something.
For those of you who don't know (and that's probably not that many at this point), I was in dance from kindergarten through the summer leading up to sixth grade. I started out with a mix of Jazz, Tap, and Ballet, spent two years in just Tap, and then three in Ballet being taught by this old crone named Rose. It was awesome. It's where I met Courtney Scott for the first time outside of church, and Mikey Schwengle (not that I covet that particular memory), and apparently Suzie too. I don't remember her, but she remembers when I played Max in Where the Wild Things Are.
So anyway, I really enjoyed it. I think I'm really starting to open up on stage; I'm not as self concious.
I think I might go see them on Saturday. Anyone interested in accompanying an old, fat, lonely teenager to a hip-hop dance show?

(That sounds SO midwestern.)

I may be depressed, and I may be tired, and I might even be tiring of the direction my life is going, but I will never lose my sense of humor.

"Foolery, Sir, does walk about the orb like the sun; it shines everywhere."
-Billy Shakespeare

Which, on a lightly triumphant note, ends my piece for the day, as I begin it again.(I'm practicing motonomy.)

I think (Oh, "PS" btw) that that Feste quote shall be my senior quote. I think it fits me (or at least did) pretty damn well.

I need to get it out.

I wrote a huge, long composition about how...well, I basically said that I was sorry for being...

Evasive
Argumentative
Selfish
Slow
Indecisive
Listless
Sad

...and some other things that don't mean anything out of context. I have been taking things (S-you were right) way too seriously, and I just wrote everything down, regardless of propriety. It was probably a good thing, then, that the internet disconnected and fucked up everything when I tried to publish it.

Don't be stupid, if you were thinking about it, and tell me that I don't need to be sorry about these things because I do. If there's anything I can do for any one of my friends you need only ask.

That isn't a blank offer, either. I'm serious.

This is dumb.

So we have a system. It is a way of categorizing people and it's totally wrong. It causes more problems than people have life to deal with. That system is labelling.

We do it every day. We slot things and people into their holes, into the box where they can never enjoy the diversity of shapes or colors.

"Chinese Food"

"Gay"

"Jock"

I mean, what the hell is the point? I'm thinking it's just a more efficient way of introducing ourselves to people, and letting people "belong" places. You "belong" in the artsy clubs if you're artsy, you "belong" in Football if you're athletic and popular, you "belong" to the opposite sex if you're straight, or to the same if gay.
I say (thank you Tyler Durden), let me never be cut to fit.
I say, let my loved ones never feel they shoudln't or should love me based on what they call themselves or are called.
I say, rid me of these burdens that people place on me, and let me love freely what I love, let me feast freely of the fruits of life, let my fellow man follow their hearts, with nary a care for what is done or not done.
I say, let me live my life FREE,
and you will be rid of hate.

Wow.

My world is being flipped upside down.

Sort of...

More like everyone else's is, and I'm not helping them straighten it out. It's not that I'm not trying to help, it's just that my being there is seeming to insert a few variables.

Desired Equation: AX + BY = happy life
PRESENT EQUATION: AY + BX = One hell of an indecisive Evan.

There are two things I could "go for" right now.

They are, interestingly enough, not mutually exclusive.

The thing is, one I am unsure about going for because I don't know if it's a low-level self-satisfaction thing, and not really what is best for our friendship, or if it's ok.

The other one...the other one is wierd, cause it involves low levels of not trying. But I'm afraid that if I go for it, things won't end the way they're "supposed" to. Maybe it's relationship anxiety. Maybe I just want the first one to be perfect so I don't have to worry about the loss. Or I could take the advice and not become attached...but then what's the point? Isn't that like treating everyone like a piece of meat that you just nibble on when you're hungry and leave to rot when you're not?

Bleh. Blllleeeeehhhh.... BBBBBBbbbbbllllllleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgh....

People are SO confusing, especially when you don't get chances to talk to them.

Things I will never do to someone:

#1: Conciously use them.
#2: Not apologise if I find out I was subconciously using someone.
#3: Dive into a relationship.
#4: Despise. Anyone. Yes Ashley, not even Fascists.
#5: Turn my back on a friend or someone in need when I have the capacity to help.

There. I will NEVER do those things. I will recognise faults, I will be brutally honest, but I will never, ever do those five things to anyone.

You wanna know something awesome? There's this kid named Trevor at Fountain of Youth. He's huge, hulking, runs into things, is not the least shell-shocked rat in the maze, but he did the most amazing thing the other day.
Now (this is a prelude), I consider myself one of the nicest people at Fountain of Youth. I'm not overly profane, I don't use slurs of any kind, I have a highly developed sense of honor about any games I'm playing there. I treat EVERYONE well, but I am short with them if they are being annoying or immature. That's the extent of it, though. So I think I know why this happened to me.
The other day (actually, a while ago) Trevor sat down at a computer next to me in the library and handed me a note. In it, he had written...well, you'd probably call it a manifesto of friendship. When I asked him about it he was very sincere and said he was passing it out to all his friends. It's hard to explain the import, but I think Sierra might know what it feels like. Do you remember, if it wasn't too long ago, the first time John referred to you as his friend? Do you remember how that felt? That's kind of what it was like.
Not that I had been lusting over Trevor, or anything (no parallels there), but still, the enormity of it? Right there. This average, introverted irish giant handed me a note that so thoroughly said to all his friends "I will be there for you, regardless." was quite a thing.
So consider this my "manifesto of friendship".

I will wrap you up like a fucking mummy
I will massage your head
I will be in your band
I will go to your plays
I will play frisbee with you in the sleet
I will teach you how to use a pen (i.e. on paper)
I will rub your back
I will give you hugs
and I will sit you right back at your life, with clean silverware, a new napkin, and friends all around, toasting you.
Because I love you all.

Today

Today is today
and tomorrow
not seen
and the future cannot be known.

Now is now
and forever
not thought
and we cannot be known.

I am me
and myself
not sure
and I cannot be free.

You are you
and yourself
not mine
and I cannot decide.

Holy Shit This Is The Most Wonderful Thing On The Net.

http://www.rathergood.com/buffy/

Fucking hilarious. Woot.

No exclamation points. I'm too worn out from laughing so hard.

Whew. Things do not go the way you'd like them to...

Hardly ever. Church was kinda depressing. It was about coping with death...problem is, I haven't had to, so it almost made me cry when I had no reason to. Bleh.

Childcare was a drag, and went on for an hour longer than we were lead to believe.

You know what sucks? Thinking you're right and thinking someone who you respect is wrong. Really, it sucks a whole lot.
Not totally wrong, just kinda wrong.
Maybe wrong isn't even the right word...but misguided would make them sound stupid...which they most definitely aren't. So I guess...not right? Yeah. Not wrong, but not right. Which is really just a way for me to turn a grey, nobody's-right-nobody's-wrong-cause-they're-just-opinions issue into a black and white one. So maybe I shouldn't do that.

But you care about them, right? So you think that they'll hurt themselves even more than they have in the first place, but what the hell can you do? Prove them wrong? Argue? Those both seem very close-minded and not the right way to go about things.

And who knows? I might be wrong. I hope...I hope that it doesn't matter if I'm right or wrong, you know?

I hope things are good without either of us being right or wrong.

Thoughts

So here I am, on a Sunday Morning. I should be leaving for church in five minutes, but instead...instead I have to think about things.

There are a thousand outcomes
a million.
And not one of them the one
that I wish for.
Or maybe one is
but won't show me the end until I've walked
the paths
that span the stars.
Through my life
past planets
and into heaven
or other places.
One has to walk the path to get
where you're going.
and there might be songs that say otherwise
and there are songs that say the path leads
to places you cannot foresee
cannot have wished for.
So maybe after all is said and done
And all the sorrow is spent
and all the shame is blotted out
maybe she'll be there for me
and I for her

or maybe not.
But I have to walk the path.
We all have to walk the path.

To see the stars
you have to walk at night.

My poetry's really poor, but you get the idea. Thoughts. Things that normally don't get thinked.

VIC-to-REEEE!!!!

Evan is happy.

Someone knows why.

Amazing how a single conversation can just illuminate things.

Lots of things, ya know?

Good things.

The right things.

The things that matter in life.

Or, at least, to a High School loser-boy.

Things, see?

Things.

The Saturday Evening Post

Puns! HA-haaaa...ah.

Hi, my name is Evan...

Hi Evan.

...and today I read a horoscope.

It's ok. We're here for you.

It's just so goddamn true!

AAAGH!

Oh, and Tales of the Blode 6 (http://www.rathergood.com) is hilarious. I like the Uber Pea song.

Saturdays-Car=Shit. It's true. Did you ever have a good Saturday before age 16? What about when you're grounded from the car when YOU'RE A FUCKING ADULT!?!?!

Oh, that Evan *wipes away tear* He's such a card!

So I finally finished with the damn poem. Comments and criticism welcome, as my ego is too large not to be worried about, but not yet too large to feed.

There once was a small child named Enis
who had an over-large
backpack.

So large, he had to wheel it down the halls.
Nerdy, he was afraid of being kicked in the
knee.

Enis was very good at math, easy was determining the sum.
When he took a Calc quiz, the taste of victory was sweet as
laffy taffy.

The pretty girls teased him with great sarcasm
but he like them. Thought he "I should like to give them a great big
bouquet."

He hated gym class. In football, he was told to punt.
He tried his best, but kicked a girl in the face. She called him a
doofus.

His teammates yelled at him to pass
but he became frustrated when he hit the goth kid in the
shoulder.

At his mistake, the kids erupted in jeers
rocking his frail body
which spouted tears
this all made him feel very shoddy.

"He's so square he's a cube!
I bet he's never before," sneered one boy "seen a
football!"

And Enis sat down on the grass. He cried,
his hands, he felt, had been tied.

"I can't do anything right,
I really, really suck.
I've got nothing going for me!
Man, what a
loser!"

One of the girls
who had before been like ice
brushed back her curls
knelt down, trying to be nice.

He ignored her and stood up, his feet planted on the ground,
Enis really could take no more.
His mind was no longer sound.
"Shut up, SHUT UP!" he ranted and swore!

The throng was stunned, he had never fought back!
His words then affected them, like a fist to the
ankle.

He shrieked at the boy"You're just a stupid twit!
I bet you've never seen a
quantum algorithm!"

And the bullies stayed silent, the knew not what to do.
Who was this standing in front of them, who?

And over the vast empty sports fields he began to run.
Kicking turf up behind him, gout after gout,
speeding under the blazing sun,
He gave those kids something to think about.

That it's not how you kick or pass
or to the masses yield,
but, after you've gamed 'pon the grass
how you leave the field.

Oh...I get it now.

Ben=http://www.livejournal.com/users/bassplaya/
Jenny=http://jennyshere.blogspot.com/
Lauren=http://www.livejournal.com/users/almosttrying
Suze=http://spinningthoughts.blogspot.com/
http://www.rathergood.com

I was not disbelieving you, but merely pointing out an inconsistency in this little world we call...um...the world.

BTW, gimme a sign, and I'll tell everything I can't write here.

No joke.

The balls in your court.

And getting it THERE from HERE hurt like a bitch.

Woah...step back.

Ben=http://www.livejournal.com/users/bassplaya/
Jenny=http://jennyshere.blogspot.com/
Lauren=http://www.livejournal.com/users/almosttrying
Suze=http://spinningthoughts.blogspot.com/
http://www.rathergood.com

So rumor has it that someone is angry with me. On a VEry related note, I will never understand girls. That's not a challenge, just a statement of fact. I'm missing all these clues and hints and sub-texts that I kind of get a whiff of, and they really get me thinking. I have a tendency to either over- or under-think. I don't like being tricked into thinking, guys. Give me, metaphorically speaking, 2 and 2, and you will NOT get 4.

Lauren! I hear ya! I will call ya! But the funny thing is, if I'm calling you I could also be IM-ing you, and then we could be all funny and stuff with fewer awkward silences and phone bills. My real AIM handle is neomancerIStaken. Not capitalized, but it's IS instead of WAS; neomancerWAStaken wouldn't fit in the stupid small box AOL made me put it in (assholes).

I really like having a car. Maybe this is just me reiterating points already made (get it?), but I really really like the freedom.

But the thing is (sorry, back to original topic), I can't just censor myself to make someone happy. I can be more...respectful is the right word, I guess, but I mean hey, look at the sub-title. This is why "the Elemental Me" exists. To spill my guts. And when someone tries to (again, metaphorically speaking) stick 'em back through my rib-cage, I get a little discombobulated, and start going overboard. Ever been in a situation where you're being super immature and you know it but you don't stop? I get like that when I'm tired, and I do dumb things that lack poise.

EXAMPLE: Today in English, someone...fuck it, Sierra, stared at me. I, being a moron with no sense of mystique or coolness or CONFIDENCE, even, gave her a funny look, grinned that doofus little grin I do when I can't stop smiling, and looked away.

*AwOOOOOOOOGAH!* *FUCK-UP ALERT!!!*

Stupid, stupid, stUpid! What the hell was that? I must have looked like an eight year old, not at all sexy or romantic (and therefore, more funny than that moronic little face I made at her).

You might think that that is a small issue, but it isn't. I felt really stupid after that...and I do notice when I do things like that....But I keep on doing them!

GOD DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!

Mary, I am a dousche. Such a huge, IGA brand dousche. Not even funny.

Also good example: Any time I talk to girls.

Seriously. Loyal readers not in posession of a pair of balls, talk to me. I will make an ass out of myself. You will be so disgusted you won't feel the need to come to my little drivel-zine. There, spend a minute MAX doing something unpleasant, get out of three minutes a day for the rest of your life.

Guys, here's my advice for the day. If she doesn't smile before you, you're doing something wrong.

the Blogger Graveyard

Ben=http://www.livejournal.com/users/bassplaya/
Jenny=http://jennyshere.blogspot.com/
Lauren=http://www.livejournal.com/users/almosttrying
Suze=http://spinningthoughts.blogspot.com/
http://www.rathergood.com

So this would be really cool. A server SOLELY for the display of dead blogs, blogs that haven't been updated in years. Wouldn't that be cool? Or like a book with a bunch of really well-done Blogs with real names changed etc. I think that there is a hell of a lot of personal shit that could be really cool to read.

Interesting Fact: Not only teenagers have Blogs.

I didn't believe it at first.

OK, so my friends rock. I know this is very redundant and unoriginal, but everyone I hang out with these days are really, really, awesome. You know who you are.

Interesting how hard it is to write sincerely now I know that people that I don't know quIte as well as I'd like are reading this. Maybe one of these lonely weekends I'll get it all off my chest. Hopefully not onto someone elses, though.

(I have to do this by myself, because I despise Live Journals)Current Music: Track 8 on Kid A and the whole of Blend.

DREAM CONCERT

Opening: Oasis
Second Act: Phish
Third Act: Dave Matthew's Band
Fourth Act: Radiohead
Closing Act: Either Coldplay, David Gray, or Travis. Probably would, if I can assume the others are coming to a concert I organize, have all three anyway. But for fuck's sake, say Coldplay.

Interesting, that only Phish is from America. I also wouldn't mind seeing Greenday and Powderfinger...not to mention a strip tease as an "intermission" of sorts. (Hi Sierra!)

Aawww...too bad. Sierra's a recluse...sound odd to anyone else?

Ben=http://www.livejournal.com/users/bassplaya/
Jenny=http://jennyshere.blogspot.com/
Lauren=http://www.livejournal.com/users/almosttrying
Suze=http://spinningthoughts.blogspot.com/
http://www.rathergood.com

I don't believe her. But whatever, it's what she wants.

Don't disregard the post, Suze, but please know I was taking info from your Blog, not your Live Journal. Sorry about the mix-up.

On a serious note: Sierra, I am not "fallen". You can care a great deal about people without being in love with them.

Twelfth Night is a HilArious play. Like innuendos, anyone?

Dude, I am SOO virtuous!

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Moderate
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

BTW, Sierra, what the hell is your email address? You are, for all intents and purposes (sound familiar?) untraceable online.

Found you!

Ben=http://www.livejournal.com/users/bassplaya/
Jenny=http://jennyshere.blogspot.com/
Lauren=http://www.livejournal.com/users/almosttrying
Suze=http://spinningthoughts.blogspot.com/
Sierra=http://www.le_soleil.blogspot.com/
http://www.rathergood.com

SIERRA POPE I FOUND YOU!

(Hi Sierra!)

Ha, this is me. That quiz sucked.

Ben=http://www.livejournal.com/users/bassplaya/
Jenny=http://jennyshere.blogspot.com/
Lauren=http://www.livejournal.com/users/almosttrying
http://www.rathergood.com


damn it all to hell.
you like to mumble long, hurtful sentances under
your breath. but really, your just a dyke on
the inside : )


what curseword are you
brought to you by Quizilla


At one point, I actually answered "Hiss at little children".

It was the best answer.

Just great.

Ben=http://www.livejournal.com/users/bassplaya/
Jenny=http://jennyshere.blogspot.com/
Lauren=http://www.livejournal.com/users/almosttrying
Suze=http://spinningthoughts.blogspot.com/
http://www.rathergood.com

So, Suze's not going to like this, but I think it needs to be said.

And I'm not going to like saying it.

Suze, 100 lbs is not a healthy weight. 135 is not being a "fat pig". This is not a relative scale. This is fact.
Anorexia is a mental illness. You are not right in what you do. You are sick. You are ill. You are not thinking clearly.
We are not going to let you do what you want you to do.
Doing that would not make you happy.
It would kill you.
You see, your body has a certain threshold at which it does not gain weight, has no excess fat, and does not eat itself.
That threshold was told to you by your doctor.
Pay attention to it.
Everyone wants control in their life. If chewing twenty times per bite gives you that control, so be it.
But merely being different is not a control. It is reactive, and unoriginal, and in your case, suicidal.
You need to have control.
But you need to keep it.

I'm sorry I'm posting this for everyone to see, but you did the same in your Blog, and frankly I'm tired of fighting the lone fight. I can't anymore. I need help to keep you alive. I'd like your help, but you don't seem interested in your long-term health.

I'll even say that it's not your fault you're thinking this way, but you need to realize that too.
You are being manipulated to think you have a choice.
And it isn't a choice.
It is a foregone conclusion.
You will grow up.
You will be healthy.
You will be beautiful.
You will fall in love.
You will die happy.
These things will happen, and every time you skip dinner, or lunch, or throw up as soon as you get home, you are taking a step down the dark path, away from your lover.
Away from your friends.
Away from the doors that are open to you.
And when you finally come to the end of the path, you won't be able to stop walking.
And you will tumble off the edge.
And you will leave everything that gives life meaning behind.
And you will not die happy.
Weight is not meaning.
Love is meaning.

You are not alone.

I am a compulsive eater. I come home from school today and splurged. I had two bowls of ice cream, some Craisins, and some pasta. That's not healthy. I've been doing it since middle school, maybe before.

But I'm trying to stop.
We can keep fighting.
Maybe that's what will define our lifes; the fight.
But everyone's life needs definition.
You will win the fight.

Ben=http://www.livejournal.com/users/bassplaya/
Jenny=http://jennyshere.blogspot.com/
Lauren=http://www.livejournal.com/users/almosttrying
http://www.rathergood.com


Sea


?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

I am a really hot, sad, half-naked chick.

Sweet.

I tried it again, a couple minutes later with slightly different answers (not untrue, just different), and got...


Night


?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Also hot, also sad, almost half-naked...but with a SWORD!

Sw-izz-eet.

*AWOOOOOGAH!* UPDATE!!! *AWOOOOOGAH!*

Changes to the top 5 most attractive people at Memorial follow!

#1: Sierra Pope

Mostly just to appeal to her ego, and the fact that she'll notice this (Hi Sierra!). And what I said before about brains and a sense of humor, too.

#2: John Labarbara

I can't believe I missed him on the first list. What a dumbass I be, aharr.

#3: Anna Nielsen

Well, despite some pretty ugly gossip, she's still up there.

#4: Suzie Majkowski

Only at #4 because she's gay, and therefore there's no real "gratification" factor involved in me putting her higher, knowwhatImean, knowwhatimean? Suzie, your a hottie and the best snuggler in Eau Claire County. (feel free, loyal readers, to try to prove her second best)

#5: Whoever you think is hot at the moment.

(I don't really care to fish around for an attractive person right now, so whoever you think I'd like. Or you'd like. Or me. Yeah...)

Jenny is having a really hard time lately. I don't want to feel sorry for her, but I kinda do. Which just makes me feel bad for feeling sorry, and on and on. It's tough, caring about people. Maybe that's the definition of having friends. Feeling what they feel. Maybe it should be more specific than that. Any thoughts? (Hi Sierra!)

It's interesting how I try to define my life with lists. My ill-used notebooks have huge, half-finished Magic card lists on them. My blog has lists. I come up with lists of stuff I want, stuff I want to do, CDs I need...and then I lose them.

I am the answer to consumerism!

I will lust after and lust after, and never aquire!

I am the ULTIMATE BARGAIN SHOPPER! Applying basic cost-cutting principles to my personal life, I am here to get the best out of life!

I think, therefore I SAVE!!!

Kinda sad, though. Implies I'll never have sex with the people I want to have sex with. Which is really unfortunate, because I think I bring a lot to the table. (Hi Sierra!)

That was unintentional. There was no correlation between the location of my salutation and the sincere observation of my over-large organ...-tion.

Really.

I am SO fucking melodromatic. Look at all this...je ne sais quois. All this crappy blocking, for lack of a better term.

I wrote a poem on sunday, and it was funny. In fact, it's still funny. But the point is that you will be able to hear it on Thursday. Friday is the poetry slam, and I wanted to enter, but there are already too many people. But there IS an open mic on Thursday at lunchtime in the Library (plug!).

And I'll be there (plug!).

Blogs were wonderful inventions. How would you ever get to know me if I didn't (shapkesperean word for vomit, Neville mentioned it today in English) my soul onto your spotless bib of reality?

I just realize that I put an offer for sex in every post that contains a "top 5 most attractive people at Memorial" list. Odd, that.

Must be a coincidence. (Hi Sierra!)

Yeah, it does suck.

@Jenny: You're right, that's a really pathetic blog he's got going there. Woof.

Wow my mom is a bitch.

Shit, this weekend is going to be hectic. That seems to be the pattern. I'm not even going to sleep (let alone be) at my house until sunday night. Crazy, that is.

I really am beginning to like school. Never thought I'd hear that. It's a lot of work, and I need to put more effort into studying, but still. I enjoy doing well in my classes. Before, I always had math to screw up my GPA and confidence, but now...Now I'm free!

CONS ARE AWESOME

People are awesome...except Ben when he has to leave Chelsea and come back to the real world. Then he's really pissy for a while.

CONs are awesome. Honestly, it's the only time when I can volunteer to do stuff, not do it, and not feel totally guilty about it. Also, we almost had a few incidents which were avoided on the strength of Hannah and my leadership skills, and I successfully protected my virginity...a couple times during the CON, many times in the hugline, and I hope I managed to on the ride home. I fell asleep for a while and who knows what Ben could have done to me.

Radiohead is awesome. I don't think I was more comfortable ever in my life than on the ride home from the Icaghowan. I'd like to thank Radiohead for making this possible.

Leaves are awesome. Pretty enough to fuck. Crinkly, too.

HI ALL WHO I MISSED OVER THE LONG WEEKEND!!! I really had a great one, and I hope you did too, despite my absence.

PS: I don't really fuck leaves. It's just figurative language.

PPS: Sheesh. Sick fucks.

God, BLog wars, how sad is that?

Jenny, I was being semi-facetious. I know it'll take longer than an hour, but still. Get it done. I don't like you being depressed cause o' the old troll, so get her off your back, 'kay?

What in god's sweet name is going wrong with me? I'm really quick to the trigger these days...not that way! Perverts...

Today was, arguably, the best day of school so far. I got into Forensics, I got out of school early, I went to Bakers Square with my friends, I hung out at Fountain...it was wonderful. Whee!

Ashley still won't teach me "because of my eel" in sign.

Really. She won't. I knOw! Such a bummer. Oups, Ooch, Ashley's a (s)hooch! (Just kidding).
I REALLY miss not having the car. There is so much more stress when I have to conform to other peoples' schedules than when I don't. Boo hoo, my life sucks.

Why not be happy?

Jenny. There is so much about you that I don't know, but I kind of wish I did (and kind of don't). Don't worry. You are not a bad person. I have a guess as to why you think you are, but you're wrong. Probably. If I know what I'm talking about. Ashley kind of irritates me, she acts like only what she does is really funny. Maybe that's true, but I don't always laugh at her jokes, so maybe she's just got a really obscure sense of humor. Things are wierd with Mary and Sierra. I dunno about Mary, I think it's just a little awkward because I'm not especially interested in her romantically. But Sierra's been acting really wierd...not waving in the hallway, being really quiet, etc. Not like her at all. Usually when that sort of thing happens, people aren't having the time of their life at home or something...but it's hard to imagine something like that happening to Sierra. Classic, huh? I should probably try to talk to her, but I only ever see her at school, and school isn't really...private, I guess. I'm beginning to notice things about the people I hang out with that irritate me more and more. Maybe my standards are too high, but how could I keep them by ditching the people I care about, even if I'm starting to dislike their company a lot of the time. Lack of sleep. That's all it is. All the problems in the world are just caused by lack of sleep.

I am hilArious

That was an awesome post from Wednesday, I rock. Homecoming was on Saturday Night. Mary brought her German but because the plane was delayed they didn't get there until like 9:30. No worries, it was fun. They played bad music. What else is new? The germans are kinda cool; a little wierd, but cool. Sunday I watched a total of like 8 hours of TV. Good times.

everything is happening and nothing is improving

Ever had that feeling that your life was going "straight" but is just starting to arc...and if you don't correct the arc you'll go into a downward spiral and crash and burn and cry and die and go to hell and die? Yeah...just wondering.
I'm happy about a lot of it, but it's very stressful having so much time devoted to doing things and such little time for relaxing...or at least not a whole day for relaxing.
I'm just gonna whine some more. Come visit my dark, shit-smeared corner of insanity if you feel too secure.