I am trying to motivate myself.

I deserve three hefty paychecks a week.

I deserve to have my parents pay me back for living expenses while I watched their house and cats and a gerbil and plants, and not dick me for the money they said they'd give me AFTER I had planned on having it.

I deserve to be manager.

I deserve to be able to spend my little freetime playing computer games.

I deserve a slightly better computer, that I might play computer games on't.

I deserve sleep.

I deserve women.

I deserve to fit into my goddamn 36 pants. Summer wtf.

I deserve to be back at school, with awesome professors and all my friends.

And one thing that I deserve that I have got, is a little strip-tease every 5 minutes. Bloody fantastic.

I was sittin', waitin', wishin'
you believed in superstition
then maybe you'd see the signs.

I've been getting more and more attracted to acoustic and country music, lately. Not like Keith Urban and Rascal Flat's country: the depressing country where people get hanged and the people singing the songs are alchoholics.

I have to go to work in two hours. It is two O'clock. wth.

But anyway, acoustic. Like Johnny Cash, Jack Johnson, Amos Lee, Mason Jennings, Waylan Jennings, for that matter.

Actually, now that I think of it, it's not just acoustic music. It's all the music I'd come to love over the last year but hadn't had deep ties to, or hadn't had chances to burn, and I mostly just listen to music in the car. So I've been listening mostly to Death Cab and Phish, Gish and Century Spring and all the albums that I know how to sing to.

I guess what I really mean (for real this time) is that I've been getting wrapped up in music more, recently.

And since I really could care about that silly music blog I tried, here are some suggestions for listening. They may or may not carry some sort of significance for me, but what I really want to happen is for other people to apply their own significances to them. Keep in mind these are songs, not albums.

Rebel Rebel-Seu Jorge
Suffused With Love-Sondre Lerche
True Dreams of Wichita-Soul Coughing (if you don't listen to Soul Coughing alone in your car on cool nights whipping by street lights...well then you aren't living.)
The Hand that Feeds-Nine Inch Nails
In the Waiting Line-Zero 7 (you probably have heard it;it's from Garden State. However, I would encourage you to listen to it without listening to it and try to drift away from your day. You might be surprised how far you get in 4:33.)
The Way I Feel Inside-the Zombies (It's all old-timey and good. And applicable.)
This whole Show, and frankly, everything this band has come out with is worth a listen.

I think that's all I've got energy for. I somehow need to pick up my parents at 7:15 this morning...notice any scheduling conflicts? I need to figure that out, clean up the house, and find some way to relax.

Good night guys. I hope to see you soon, somehow.

Wow are things busy.

I really don't like that my life has degenerated into work and computer games. It's like last summer, but without the convenient location, cool housemates, and frequent parties.

It seems very boring, and I'm not really branching out and meeting new people...which is mostly ok with me; I really just want to earn a lot of money so I can go back to school...and to go back to school soon. Against my dulled state and desire to find immense satisfaction in having the house to myself, I find myself really wanting to go back to Morris, fix up my room, and enjoy the rest of the summer with AC and a lazy small town.

Le sigh.

But instead I find myself working day after day, somehow skipping days ahead to the deadline of my parents coming home (I need to do a lot of maintenance that they asked me to do before they come home in order to be reimbursed for food).

Seriously. Just yesterday I read an email from my dad reminding me that they're coming home a week from tomorrow...but he meant Wednesday. Wasn't it just yesterday? No. It was three and a half days ago.

I really don't quite understand what's going on. Wasn't I going to write poetry or shorts or something this summer? Wasn't I going to work on learning the guitar? Wasn't I going to do something with my time other than waste it?

I am tired of being tired, and tired of that.