Your True Nature by llScorpiusll
Username
The quality that most appeals to you:	Courage
In a survival situation, you:	Outsmart your attacker
Your hidden talent is:	Pragmatism
Your gift is:	Fearlessness
In groups, you:	Blend in
Your best quality is:	Your abundant energy
Your weakness is:	Your overbearing nature
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I should warn you

I go to sleep.
I know you don't know what I mean.

If I was compositionally inclined, in the musical sense, I think that I could write songs and perform them once for my whole life. One performance per song. My life in music.

One song, one person. One lyric, one thought. One chord, one pang.

I was talking and giving advice to Glynis today, on the bus-ride home from school.

Tomorrow will be unfulfilling, personally.

Academically, fine.

I think I'd like to see a movie other than Eternal Sunshine of a spotless mind tomorrow. Anyone want to come?

It's a good thing I don't have swimming tomorrow, as I'm going to have a treat for second hour that I have to make in the morning.

You know what I hate? Posts that aren't deep, aren't saying anything of importance, but are at least important enough not to delete even when you whine that they are.

Buggrit.

Heartbreak all around.

There are a few things in this world that are the worst things. Not because they actually are, but because they're happening to the ones you love.

It's chilling, almost. Like watching a raging fire suddenly stop. Not go out, but watching the flames slow and cool and harden and dull...it's horrible. The death of a sun.

Ben says to apply to Purdue. Ben: Not only will I apply, I will be accepted. Just because.

The cd has run through it's tracks; the computer has lost its luster for me, when the rest of the world doesn't post at the rate I argue.

ANd I got rid of all my porn. DAMNIT.

What else is there to do but swim and read?

And so I am off to swim the pages, and read the waters.

Much rest to those I love, and to those I don't...

































...who the fuck are you and why are you reading my blog? Sheesh.

New Post: Title: beautifulnight URL: (confusion) ??? (/confusion)

"oo OOOO oo oooh."

Coldplay at 12:25 when everyone else is asleep and my eyes don't hurt yet and it's raining outside.

At the end of a week that has been warmer than others.

A week in which we had no spring break, for whatever reason the school district felt like using last year when they changed the schedule.

A week in which I made mistakes in love, and learned from them.

A week in which I kept for myself what I feel I should give, in the perchance that it's the right thing to do.

A week in which I had no scheduled freedom.

A week in which my love is dancing under stars seen at new angles, with faerie princes of the past and I feel no jealousy at their laughter.

A week in which I neglected to do my duty and didn't feel bad about it.

A week in which the most amazing trailers for new movies came out, and made me very excited to be working at a movie theater in the summer.

A week in which I was hired back at the Gemini Drive-In.

A week before a week in which Frasier will feel as I do.

A week in which I played almost no Magic: the Gathering, but was ok with that.

A week in which Lauren returned home, had a blast, Lived (capital L), and I was unable to talk to her, which makes me feel guilty.

A week in which I drove for 45 minutes unable to see anything but a beatiful, cold, soft, white light.

A week in which I did more homework than I have done in the past three, combined.

A week in which I touched my roots, and started growing my leaves early even though the frost might kill the buds.

A week in which I saw my future, and was scared, and saw more futures, and was still scared.

This has been a Good week. Not enjoyable, but Good. Like bran-cereal. God, that shit's disgusting, but it makes you regular like nobody's business...

(mandatory political commentary)

And that's a "good thing".

(/mandatory political commentary)

I miss people. My heaven will be the second month of summer, when routine is set, and people are either leaving on trips or returning from far lands or senile relatives, and new things still happen without the looming of school or the giddy desecration of Time that comes with graduation from a grade.

Summer, but with appreciation. My two favorite A words: abandon and appreciation. More, even, than assinine. Even though that's a really great word.

"And nothing else compares
and nothing else compares
and noooothing else compa a AAaaaares..."

This, my friends, has been 14 minutes of my life condensing seven days of events and a lifetime of experience.

It's not nearly enough.

Breath deeply.

15, now.

I'm composing the ultimate mix cd in my head.

It's the worst thing I've ever done.

It's sad break-up songs. Not angry, not depressed, just...those songs you hear and they break your eyes. And you sing along if you're alone, but never if you're with anybody because your voice will crack and you will cry, and usually if people are crying and singing it means they're moved, but noone can be moved by a sad song and not have anything hurting them.

I think it's less that I'm composing it and more that I've figured out that it'll get made. I mean, eventually, every sad song gets sung. Either that or you die way too soon.

Or maybe you die just at the right time.

There are these things going through my head that I just can't shake, and I really wish I could. I really do, because goddamnit, that would fix everything.

You look at the beautiful painting, and it makes you cry. So you rip out your eyes. Now, the painting's still beautiful but it doesn't make you cry.

Is that worth it? Is that even a fair analogy?

Why do you even care about the pain, isn't the beauty enough?

We cling to our notions, us poor, pathetic little humans. We grasp them and gnaw on them and love them more than we love ourselves.

And the worst part is that I could be wrong. I could be WRONG. Everything we "know", when you analyze it, is just a collection of vague suspicions from under which we peer out at the world.

The worst part is never knowing what's right.

Kaz, watch me now! Existential Evan, to ruin the dAY!

But it's not a new Evan. It's the same old Evan, but now he knows what needs to be figgered.

Off to do some figgering...