I'm tired of being indecisive.

I'm really tired of caring, on and off, more about other people than myself and more about myself than other people.

I'm so tired of loving people and hating them, depending on my mood.

I'm tired of all the wishy-washy crap that I dream up when I'm writing or reading or anything; it weakens me, and isn't any use.

And I'm sick of the past, and the future. I'm sick of now, even.

I'm sick of watching myself drink and smoke and wondering "is he being healthy? a year ago this would have been unheard of, but it doesn't seem that bad right now..."

I'm sick of classes that I can't wake up for, and homework that I can't make myself care about except by being really depressed or really happy, neither of which is healthy or consistently existent here.

I'm sick of girls, I'm sick of emotions, and I'm sick of not being able to ration my thoughts to what really matters and let things that don't, really truly don't matter, die.

I'm sick of not being able to create music, I'm exhausted from not writing my own writing, and I hate that my mailbox is nowhere near any of my classes, so I don't check it enough.

I'm sick of porn, I'm ill from worrying about money, and I hate that I dread going home.

I hate change, and I hate that I can't really cry about anything, here. I just really want to get in a fight with someone and beat them bloody.

Life is not life when your blankets feel like ghosts.

So, in a perfect rendition of "Hypocrisy", I shall change. There comes a point when emotion is shoved aside for strength.

And I HATE friends. I don't want any; just lover and enemy. And I don't really want either of those, either.