dead man walkin'.

I stayed up late last night, watching movies, playing video games with people...


...getting hit on by guys...

...and this'll sound really wierd, given my liberalism, but it was unsettling. Not uncomfortable, but wierd, like I was just so bemused.

Wierd.

Anyway, I just feel dead right now. My whole back aches and I want a back rub or massage so bad that I'm this close to crying. Not just from the ache but the distance, you know? Noone here I'm close to, yet, so there's nothing to stake my tent to, so to speak. Just people from home that I can't talk to or can't stand to talk to or, for some reason, I just don't want to talk to.

And my eyes feel big and I feel fat and my nose is always dry. I'm just so horrifically, terribly average right now. Yeach. Not especially spiritual, flirty, debonnaire, intelligent, dedicated, funny, nurturing...just another random person.

It's odd that when you get out of high school, which has a reputation of being a college applicant factory, and get out into a (more) real world, I begin to feel less like an individual and more like a product.

Is that because I've changed or because everyone else has? Maybe I was just a really good product, and now a really poor individual.

Or maybe it's the food. The cafeteria food is horrible, especially the pasta.